looking back

since its fri n i have no intentions of leaving the house today, i thot id write another blog. n i have a feeling that this is gonna b one looonnnggg blog. haha.
i guess ill write about stuff thats happened. graduation n summer.
hi skool graduation was not at all how i imagined it to b. i had always expected it 2 b exciting n full of overwhelming emotions, after all, its supposed to b a joyous event. however, wen it did come around tho, i didnt feel excited or overwhelmed w/ joyous emotions. there was just too much going on that i didnt have the energy to think about wat was going on. n so graduation passed by w/ a blur.
as for summer. well, all i can say is that it has been one heck of a summer.
at the beginning, all i wanted to do was keep myself busy. always longing for more hangouts w/ friends so i culd keep my mind off things. all the nites spent bowling, hanging out w/ the girls, attending bday events. wen im out w/ friends, things didnt seem to b that hard. however, once im at home, i felt dead cuz all i culd do was sit there n stare off into space. evryday i was just longing for nite to come b/c sleep was my only escape. i looked forward to sleeping n dreaded having to wake up. i wuld try to stay in bed as long as possible. my quietness made evry1 @ home alerted to my behavior. even my grandfather, who rarely talks to me regarding personal feelings came up to me one day n sat nxt to me n asked if i was ok, if nething was bothering me. all i culd do was shake my head. he then continued to talk but i cant remember wat he said nemore cuz all the while, i was concentrating on fighting back tears. n then there was the nite wen i had misplaced my necklace. i went into a frenzy trying to find it. looking thru evry corner of my rm. as i was looking for my necklace, all emotions came rushing at me at once. i looked like a person who was about to lose it cuz i was crying n turning my rm upside down trying to look for it. at one point, i just sat down n let myself cry. my mom came over n told me to just let it go. only then did i notice that she was crying too b/c it pained her to c me hurting this much. she kept on asking "y do u have 2 put urself thru all this? have u talked to him? is there really no way to turn things around? theres no use looking for the necklace now b/c the more u want it, the more its not gonna show itself. some things r like that, mayb its a sign that u shuld let it go. if its meant to b urs then its meant to b urs. if not then its not. just let things run its course." but i didnt want to listen to a thing she was saying. all i culd do was tell her in a frustrating tone "no, thats not the point mom. thats not the point. i just want my necklace back mom. i just want my necklace..." my sister found it the nxt day after she came back frm volunteering. apparently it got wrapped up w/ her clothes. i remember staring at the necklace in front of me dumbfounded w/ a smile that i culdnt hold back. i saw a wash of relief pass my mom b/c she hasnt seen me smile for a long while. frm that moment on, i promised myself that i wuldnt let her or ne1 else c me down. i didnt want them to have to wry about me nemore. cuz i new that thru all this, i wasnt the only one hurting. i had dragged my fam along, sumthing i had done w/o knowing b/c for a while, i didnt feel like talking, didnt feel like eating, just didnt feel like doing nething at all. for a while i culdnt even listen to music. basically, i was lost. i didnt no where to go nor did i no wat to do. so after all this happened, i decided to get away frm evrything by going sumwhere. wen i joked around w/ my dad saying that i wanted to go back to china, he immediately started to look for tickets to go back even tho we just went this past winter. i found out later frm my mom that it was b/c my dad thot watever it took to make me happy. n so we went on a tour to china. it turned out to b an amazing experience. the ppl in the tour were very nice n our whole grp always went into laughing fits. i also got to see the forbidden city, tiananmen square, the great wall of china, n many other places. so after such a great trip, i was feeling better and was ready to deal w/ getting ready for college wen i got back. ironically the first big news i came home to was sumthing i had wanted to get away from. i was stunned n i felt like i was back at square one again. it was hard to grasp wat had happened at first but after going thru sum thinking, i realized two things. i made a promise n besides, y culdnt i just embrace it like evry1 else? y cant we all just still b friends? n we can n friends it has been. the more friends the merrier rite?=] so ever since that, ive tried to cherish all the moments i got to spend w/ friends. starting w/ jins bday party, then onto my bday, pattys farewell dinner, annas potsticker day, n shopping n hanging out w/ the girls. just trying to enjoy the rest of my summer n cherish the remainder of time i have w/ friends n fam before another crazy yr of skool starts. looking back, so much has happened in a mere 3 months but i wanna thank each n evry1 of my friends n my fam for being there w/ me thru it all=] i love u guys n im looking forward 2 seeing evry1 this sunday <3

n i guess theres always one thing to keep in mind, no matter wat happens, just remember that life goes on=]